I keep coming back to this

There is one simple point that I keep coming back to when I think about the issue of gay marriage.

Proponents of gay marriage insist that it is an issue of equality. We are denying them fundamental rights, treating them like second-class citizens, etc. “Love is love.”

Marriage isn’t just about love, though. If it was, why do so many people who love each other live together, instead of getting married?

And the thing we keep forgetting: the relationship between one man and one woman is fundamentally different from the relationship of two individuals of the same gender. They will interact differently; physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, they interact differently.

Examine it from the level of friendship for a moment. Two women who are friends interact differently from two men who are friends, and from a woman and a man who are friends. This is why the books in the series “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” have sold so well. It is a fundamental truth that we communicate and relate differently, as different genders. Women have women friends, and they get together for certain types of activities. Women have men friends, and they do different things together. I know some of this is stereotypical, but in this case, I think the stereotypes hold fairly true. I love my husband, but if I wanted a shopping buddy, he’s not who I would take. If I want to play a video game or watch sports, though, that’s a different story. And I accept that my husband needs to talk sports and action movies with people who know more than me and enjoy those things more. (Although we both enjoy baseball and can talk about that fairly knowledgeably.) These are surface level examples of what I’m trying to get at.

I remember being in college and crying on a roommate’s shoulder over life in general being rough at that point in time. I would never have expressed those feelings to a male friend. I needed female companionship at that moment, because I trusted that my friend would respond the way I needed at the time. I knew, woman to woman, how she would react.

Then there’s the physical interactions, which are obviously different between heterosexual and homosexual couples. I’m not trying to say here that one is better or worse than the other, I’m just making the point that the interactions are different. The anatomy is different. Physically, most heterosexual couples can also create offspring. A homosexual couple can never, on their own, create offspring. The consequences of their actions thus are different.

From my perspective, I believe that these two types of couples interact differently on so many different levels. (Personally, I think that is may be why some people choose a gay or lesbian lifestyle. They enjoy the emotional and social interactions with people of their own gender more than with people of the other gender.)  The relationships are not the same. Why do people keep insisting that they are? And if the relationships are fundamentally different, why do we have to call them the same thing?



  1. Do we have a different word for same-sex friendships versus opposite-sex friendships? According to your logic, we should, since they are “fundamentally” different in the same way that you claim same-sex marriages are “fundamentally” different from man-woman marriages.

    • If friendship had some sort of legally binding repercussions, then perhaps we would need to define it more clearly. When we’re talking about legal definitions of relationships, then yes, I believe we should be as specific as possible when defining them. And I think we should be hesitant in changing and broadening such definitions.

  2. No two individuals interact in the same way, and no two marriages are alike. I agree that women and men have different tendencies, but there is such a huge range of human behavior, interest, and even biology, that you can’t really make one size fits all rules.

    Even in marriages, some couples have lots of sex, others little or none. Some need children to the point of aching for them, while others recoil in horror or claim that cats are all the children they’ll ever have. Some couples spend every possible minute together, while others have a more businesslike arrangement. Of course, I tend to think that my kind of marriage is the best, but I also recognize personal bias.

    I’d make the same argument about your Venus/Mars comment. Of course you can make generalizations about male and female behavior that are generally true, but many, if not most people deviate from these stereotypes in at least one way or the other.

    Who cares? Viva la difference! To each his own.

    This is how I feel about gay marriage. Let gays get married. It has nothing to do with me or my lifestyle, so why should I get up in arms?

  3. Do you know ANYONE who is gay? I am straight, with many gay couples as friends. Their relationships have the same experiences as straight people. They are human. Wow, you are great at stereotyping everyone, including straight men and straight women. I work, my husband has stayed home with our son for 15 years. Got a problem with that?
    I fully support same sex marriage. It’s about love. What is so hard about that?

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