motherhood vs fatherhood

I believe that a child needs both a mother and a father to be raised successfully. Obviously, this is not always possible, but in the case of gay marriage, we will be taking that opportunity away from children right from the start. Studies have shown that children need both parents. Here’s a few things I’ve noticed that my three year old daughter has learned from one of us, or how she interacts differently with us:

My daughter loves music. (Mom)

She loves to pretend. (Mom)

She loves to read. (Mom)

She loves to help me cook. (Mom)

She knows all about instruments and musical terms. (Mom)

Mom knows the words to just about every kids song she ever wants.

Dad makes up the words when he doesn’t know them. So does she.

She is much more willing to sit and read a whole book with Mom than with Dad.

When she wakes up grumpy, Dad can silly her out of it.

She cuddles a little bit more with Mom than with Dad.

Mom loves hugs, Dad loves kisses.

She loves to tickle. (Dad)

She loves being silly. (Dad)

She loves to dance. (Dad)

She loves animals, acting like them, and making their sounds. (Dad)

She loves “baseball Dodgers.” (Dad)

She knows the difference between baseball, football, and basketball. (Dad)

She loves playing ball – soccer and catch. (Dad)

She thinks Dad’s juggling is pretty cool. (Dad)

She loves flying her plane while Dad flies his helicopter. (Dad)

She can say words like helicopter, fire truck, and tow truck. (Dad)

She loves to run around in circles. (Dad)

She loves to play hide and go seek. (Dad)

I love this picture that says so plainly what I have been thinking about. It’s from

Our daughter has learned so many things from each of us that she probably wouldn’t have learned from the other. She plays more actively with Dad than with Mom – partly because Mom is so worn out from taking care of both our girls all the time. Dad can always find some energy for a round of tickles or hide and go seek. Mom can always be lured into reading her a story. Sometimes when she wakes up scared in the middle of the night, she wants Mom. Sometimes she wants Dad. It depends on why she’s scared. Her life is so much more full because she has a mom and a dad. I don’t think I could handle her without my husband to help run out her energy at the end of the day. And I don’t think she would calm down for bed some nights without Mom to help settle her down.

Just as I believe that every child has a right to be born, so I also believe that every child has the right to come into a family with both a mother and a father. How can we deprive these children of something as vital as a parent, without considering their needs? Our babies cannot speak for themselves and tell us what we need. When we think about marriage, we have an obligation not only to think about the adults involved, but about the children they will raise who have no voice.

Published in: on October 21, 2008 at 9:11 am  Comments (2)  
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  1. I understand what you are saying about every child needing a Father. But to say that the opportunity is being taken away from the child in the beginning I believe is inaccurate.

    Did you know that many gay parents who are raising children ARE including the Father in the relationship? I know many gay couples who include the Father in everything. Many times they go to school plays together, church, they have dinners together, attend birthday parties together, sporting events, a whole plethora of things, some even take vacations together so that ALL parents can be present. They do it for the children, not themselves. They do it so the child can have an affirming, loving relationship from not just one parent but both.

    It’s when people (any type of people)can lay their own personal issues aside, their own personal differences down in order to give that child the love that is needed.

    For example, just last tee ball season I watched a woman with her partner, their little boy AND the Father of that little boy all sitting in the bleachers together, talking, getting along just fine and enjoying the little boys game. Can you imagine the love that little boy felt that day having all those people there to watch him and cheer him on?

    Is that really so bad? Isn’t that better than some of the heterosexual couple’s we may know who have been married for 10-15-20 years and the Dad has never been able to make it to the child’s tee ball game because he felt he needed to work more instead?

    Another thought, many gay folks are adopting children that many other people won’t adopt. As you already know, these children are left by BOTH biological parents and thrown in to the system full of people they do not know, complete strangers. Again, I know many gay folks who adopt these children, provide for them, care for them and then go the extra mile to make sure they have strong and positive fatherly, motherly influences in their life.

    This is good, is it not?

  2. Actually what children needs most is the emotional warmth and care from both of the father and mother. Im not questioning the gay or lesbian family, as this practice is still in taboo from our South Asian cultural contexts. What is believe is that there should not be any identical differences between the parents, whether its biological or social. If there comes any chance of identifying, then I should be very biased to the “mothers” as they are the producer, rearer and carer of the child. There are many loveable fothers too. But the problem is, their love is sort of commercial- like buying gifts for the child, moving them out which in many of the cases causes child’d natural attraction for their father. But the mother who is everytime conscious of her child’s welfare, scolding him or her for doing many things, remain “bad”, “care taker” of the child……….i am against this. So, whoever it is, whatever the family pattern is, from both side the child’s need for basic needs and developments should be taken care of…….

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